CULTIVATING ONE'S CHARACTER
'A believer plants a palm tree and fears that thorns will grow'
We have to constantly search our behavior to insure its consistency with that of the believers.
While walking in the market not so long ago, I happened to see a group of foreign Muslim sisters heading my way. Needless to say I was very happy, because it is not often that I run across other Muslim women when out and about.
From the manners of giving the salams, I greeted them first. To my dismay, they all looked at me from the top of my khimar-clad head to where my Abaya (outer garment) pooled around my feet with a look of total disgust, and walked away without uttering a word in response. I was so hurt and shocked that all I could do was stand there with my mouth wide open behind my niqab.
It never ceases to amaze me how many of us claim to follow the Qur'an and Sunnah, yet our actions are in total contradiction to what we say we believe. It was part of the manners of those who lived with the Prophet, Sal-lallahu alayhe wasallam, that they would constantly search their thoughts, hearts and behaviors, to make sure they were consistent with those of the believers, and to discard those things which were characteristic of the hypocrites.
For Allah Ta'ala says, "They say, 'We believe in Allah and in the apostle, and we obey:' but even after that, some of them turn away: they are not (really) believers." [24:47]
Along with this, Allah Ta'ala paints for us a complete picture of the believers when He says, "Those who turn (to Allah) in repentance; that serve Him, and praise Him; that wander in devotion to the cause of Allah; that bow down and prostrate themselves (in salah); that enjoin good and forbid evil; and observe the limits set by Allah - so proclaim the good tidings to the believers." [9:112]
In this deadline-demanding, rat race society, it seems like we’re pushed to run and run everyday beyond our capacity. Suddenly, one day passes like an hour, and an hour seems like a passing mosquito. But now, instead of making stress a scary green monster that’s ready to eat you alive, we’re going to find out how to manage stress and keep it under control.
1. Address the Root Problem
What would you do if suddenly in the middle of night, your fire alarm rings? Would you switch off the alarm and go back to sleep? Of course not! You’ll search the house and try to find the source and spring into action to douse it out.
Likewise, your stress. You don’t just slap a “this too shall pass” attitude then turn on the TV comedy show to distract yourself from the problem. Stress is merely a smoke, and fanning the smoke alone won’t save your house from the fire.
Now do a quick contemplation: write down the things that stress you. Stuff you have to accomplish, including those you must do but you’re just “finding no time” to do. Just write them all down, from big stuff like “I want to publish a novel!” to something as trivial as giving your cat a bath. This is only the start. Next you’ll have to:
2. Reassess Your Priorities
The cause of stress is typically poor self management and time management. Very often, we get mixed up between which stuff needs a higher priority than others. We lack self discipline and try to do several things at once or end up switching between tasks because the others are not desirable enough to do. We end up getting lazy and procrastinate, opting to rush within the last minutes.
In one of the productivity seminars I attended, the coach inserted some pebbles to a jar. He inserted all the bigger pebbles first, then the smaller ones, then the sand, until the jar was full. He asked the participants, “What message can you get from this?”.
“You can multi-task in between your schedule”, one participant replied.
“No”, he answered. “The message is: you must prioritize your bigger goals first, the bigger pebbles. If you inserted all the sand first, or the smaller pebbles, there wouldn’t be enough room for the bigger pebbles.
“Likewise, your time. If you keep wasting it for insignificant goals, you’ll lose your valuable asset for life, and you’ll lose in the long term.
“What is your bigger goal in life? How do you treat and value your time according to it?”