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How to Deal With Others: Daily Do’s and Don’ts from the Quran and Sunnah

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inspirationhowareyoudealing
His colleagues had been making some hurtful remarks at work, but he’d kept quiet. As he walked into his home, he found himself shouting at his wife straight away. He felt terrible. Do you manage to be nice in public, but keep slipping up at home?
Allah ‘azza wa jall says in this week’s central ayah: O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted [Quran, 49:13]

Top priority

The Prophet salallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam described his role in your life: I have been sent to perfect the best of manners. [Al-Bukhaaree, Ahmad] This shows you that learning how to deal with people should be on the top of your list. As a Muslim, you have to be very alert about how you deal with people in your circle. Luqman once said to his son, O my son: Let your speech be good and your face be smiling; you will be more loved by the people than those who give them provisions. [Ibn Katheer] Do you use the Quran and the Sunnah as your guide in how you interact with your friends and family, or do you often just let your own desires rule?
Here is a selection of easily overlooked, yet crucial do’s and don’ts in your relationship with others. With each one, ask Allah ‘azza wa jall to help you act upon it so the knowledge will count for you and not against you on the day of Judgement!

Don’ts

1. Don’t show pride and arrogance.

It’s easy to get carried away by whatever you “possess,” from your money to your children to your clothes and your looks. Did you ever catch yourself looking down on others, like that girl who is less beautiful than you, or that man who didn’t get the promotion when you did? Shaytan knows the weaknesses of your ego. And Allah who deeply cares for you, warned you beautifully with this don’t: And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster. [Quran, 31:18]

Tip: Avoid pride and arrogance by thanking Allah ‘azza wa jall straight away when something good comes your way. All good is from Him and doesn’t mean you are better than someone else.

2. Don’t mock others.

O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. [Quran, 49:11] How often did you make yourself feel better by looking for someone else’s weaknesses? Reflect on this: your knowledge is only based on your perception.
Tip: When you feel like mocking someone, ask yourself: Do I know that person’s real worth? And tell yourself: This person might be much higher in rank in the sight of Allah ‘azza wa jall than I am!

3. Don’t use undesirable titles.

Did you ever sarcastically say to your spouse: Oh, yes, I forgot you are a big shaykh! Even though it might not be an insulting title, your spouse might not like this way of addressing him or her. Allah ‘azza wa jall warns us:  And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. [Quran, 49:11]

Tip: Especially be careful with doing this with your spouse and children as it’s even easier to slip up at home in an argument.


Do’s

1. Give benefit of doubt.

Safiyah bint Huyai radiyallahu ‘anha said: I came to visit the Prophet while he was in the state of Itikaf. After having talked to him, I got up to return. The Prophet also got up with me and accompanied me a part of the way. At that moment two Ansari men passed by. When they saw him they quickened their pace. The Prophet said to them, ‘Do not hurry. She is Safiyah, daughter of Huyai, my wife.’ They said: ‘SubhanAllah O Messenger of Allah! (You are far away from any suspicion). The Messenger of Allah replied, Satan circulates in a person like blood. I apprehended lest Satan should drop some evil thought in your minds. [Al-Bukharee]

The Prophet salallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam stopped the two companions in order to prevent evil suspicions. If there’s a chance that your actions might make someone question your righteousness, it is advised to clarify the situation if you can. However, you should never jump to evil conclusions regarding others. In daily life we often forget this important way of the sunnah. You might see a family member “secretly” on the phone and you assume the worst, or you see your child neglecting their Quran reading for a day you assume they are completely astray!
Tip: give others the benefit of the doubt. Make excuses for someone else and attribute positive motives to other people’s actions!

2. Express gratitude to others.

How often do you take your loved ones for granted? Being thankful to others is characteristic of the Prophet salallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam and the sahaaba! So next time instead of taking dinner for granted, say jazaakillahu khayr to your wife or barakAllaahu feek to your husband for getting shopping. When your child makes a drawing for you, make a big deal out of it!

Tip: Be grateful to others andmake dua for them, but be careful with flattering! Abu Bakr reported that a man was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet salallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam and another praised the man. The Prophet said,Woe to you, for you have broken your friend’s neck!’ The Prophet repeated this several times and then said, ‘If any of you simply must praise another, let him/her say, “I think the person is this way or that . . .” if you genuinely think the person to be that way. The Final Reckoner is Allah, and no one can tell Allah anything about anyone.’
Adi ibn Artah said, If ever one of the Companions of the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was praised, he would say, ‘O Allah, do not take me to task for what they say and forgive me for what they do not know about.’

3. Be kind – even when it’s easy not to.

Narrated Anas: I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me,’Uff’ (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, ‘Why did you do so, or why didn’t you do so?’ [Al-Bukhaaree]

This is a major reminder for all of us. How many times a day do we yell at our children, siblings, spouse, or even employees when they do something wrong, saying ‘why did you do that?’ Truly, take this beautiful narration to heart, print it off and hang it on the wall in your house in shaa Allah to remind yourself again and again to control yourself and strive to be kind.

O Allah, Lord of the Worlds, help us to gain Your pleasure in dealing with others and forgive us for each mistake we made and each time we hurt someone’s feelings – knowingly or unknowingly- ameen!
Praying you will benefit,
Khawlah bint Yahya – United Kingdom


 

 

 

 

 

Good Character

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Good Character

'...but instead tells himself that he does not mind any of these things...'

This includes suppressing one's anger, and being gentle and humble. Allah Most High has said: Surely, you are of tremendous nature, (The Holy Quran: 68/4)

and: Those who suppress their anger, and forgive other people – assuredly, Allah loves those who do good.(Quran: 3/134)

Bukhari and Muslim relate that Abdullah Ibn Amr (May Allah be pleased with you) said, "The Messenger of Allah (Peace Be Upon Him) was never immoderate or obscene. He used to say, 'Among those who are most beloved to me are those who have the finest character.'"

They also narrate that Hazrat Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) said, "
Never was the Messenger of Allah (Peace Be Upon Him) given the choice between two things without choosing the easier of them, as long as it entailed no sin. If it did entail sin, he was of all people the most remote from it. Never did he seek revenge for something done against himself; but when the sanctity of Allah was challenged, he would take vengeance for His sake alone."

The meaning of good character is the inclination of the soul towards gentle and praiseworthy acts. This may take place in one’s personal actions for Allah Most High, or in actions which involve other people.

In the former case, the slave of Allah has an open and welcoming heart for His commandments and prohibitions, and does what He has imposed on him happily and easily, and abstains from the things which He has forbidden him with full contentment, and without the least dissatisfaction.

He likes to perform optional good acts, and abstains from many permitted things for the sake of Allah Most High whenever he decides that to abstain in that way would be closer to perfect slavehood to Him. This he does with a contented heart, and without feeling any resentment or hardship.

When he deals with other people, he is tolerant when claiming what is his right, and does not ask for anything which is not; but he discharges all the duties which he has towards others.

When he falls ill or returns from a trip, and no-one visits him, or when he gives a greeting which is not returned, or when he is a guest but is not honored, or intercedes but is not responded to, or does a good turn for which he is not thanked, or joins a group of people who do not make room for him to sit, or speaks and is not listened to, or asks permission of a friend to enter, and is not granted it, or proposes to a woman, and is not allowed to marry her, or ask for more time to repay a debt, but is not given more time, or asks for it to be reduced, but is not permitted this, and all similar cases, he does not grow angry, or seek to punish people, or feel within himself that he has been snubbed, or ignored; neither does he try to retaliate with the same treatment when able to do so, but instead tells himself that he does not mind any of these things, and responds to each one of them with something which is better, and closer to goodness and piety, and is more praiseworthy and pleasing.

He remembers to carry out his duties to others just as he remembers their duties towards himself, so that when one of his Muslim brethren falls ill he visits him, if he is asked to intercede, he does so, if he is asked for a respite in repaying a debt he agrees, and if someone needs assistance he gives it, and if someone asks for favorable terms in a sale, he consents, all without looking to see how the other person had dealt with him in the past, and to find out how other people behave. Instead, he makes "what is better" the imam of his soul, and obeys it completely.

Good character may be something which a man is born with, or it may be acquired. However, it may only be acquired from someone who has it more firmly rooted in his nature than his own. It is well known that a man of sensible opinion can become even more sensible by keeping the company of intelligent and sensible people, and that a learned or a righteous man can learn even more by sitting with other people of learning or righteousness; therefore it cannot be denied that a man of beautiful character may acquire an even more beautiful character by being with people whose characters are superior to his own.

And Allah gives success!

By: Imam Al-Bayhaqi

 

Best Deeds

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Best Deeds

It is narrated on the authority of Abdullah bin Mas'ood (may Allah be pleased with him), who observed: 
"I asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) which deed was the best." He (the Holy Prophet) replied: 'The Prayer at its appointed hour.' I (again) asked: "Then what?" He (the Holy Prophet) replied: 'Kindness to the parents.' I (again) asked: "Then what?" He replied: 'Jihad in the cause of Allah.' I refrained from asking any more questions for fear of annoying him. (Sahih Muslim: 120)

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) was asked about the best of deeds. He observed: "Belief in Allah." He (the inquirer) asked: 'What next?' He (the Holy Prophet) replied: "Jihad in the cause of Allah." He (the inquirer) again asked: 'What next?' He (the Holy Prophet) replied: "Pilgrimage accepted into the grace of the Lord." (Sahih Muslim: 118)

Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that I asked the Messenger of Allah: "Which of the deeds is the best?" He (the Holy Prophet) replied: 'Belief in Allah and Jihad in His cause.' I again asked: "Who is the slave whose emancipation is the best?" He (the Holy Prophet) replied: 'One who is valuable for his master and whose price is high.' I asked: "What if I cannot afford to do it?" He (the Holy Prophet) replied: 'Help an artisan or make anything for the unskilled (laborer).' I (Abu Dharr) said: "O Messenger of Allah, you see that I am helpless in doing some of these deeds." He (the Holy Prophet) replied: 'Desist from doing mischief to the people. That is your own charity for your self.'
(Sahih Muslim: 119)

SOME OF THE HUMAN QUALITIES ALLAH, THE ALMIGHTY LOVES
"Say (O Muhammad to mankind): "If you (really) love Allah, then follow me (i.e. accept Islamic monotheism, follow the Quran and the Sunnah), Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Quran: 3:31)

Patience
"And Allah loves as-Sabirun (the patient)." (Quran: 3:146)

Justice and Dealing with Equity
"Be just: that is nearer to piety; and fear Allah." (Quran: 5:8)

Putting Trust in Allah
"Certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)." (Quran: 3:159)

Rescuing
Abu Ya ‘la Dailami and Ibn Asakir narrated: Abu Hurairah and Anas Ibn Malik said: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Allah loves rescuing the one who needs rescue."

Kindliness
"Aisha narrated: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Allah loves kindliness in all matters." (Bukhari)

Repentance
"Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto him in repentance." (Quran: 2:222)

Piety
"Verily, then Allah loves those who are al-Muttaqun (the pious)." 
(Quran: 3:76)


Good-doing
"Truly, Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the good-doers)." (Quran: 2:195)

Body Purification
"And Allah loves those who make themselves clean and pure [ i.e. who clean their private parts with dust (which has the properties of soap) and water from urine and stools, after answering the call of nature]." (Quran: 9:108)

Humility of the Rich
Muslim narrated: Sa'd Ibn Abi Waqqas said: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Allah loves the believer who is pious and rich, but does not show off."

Belief and Work
Al-Tabarani narrated: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Allah loves the slave who believes and acquires a career (or work)."

Reflection of Allah's Grace
Al-Tirmidhi narrated: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Allah loves from amongst his slaves, the one who has a sense of zeal or honor."

Magnanimity
Al-Hakim narrated: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Allah is All-Generous and He loves generosity in sale, purchase and judgment."

Virtuosity
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: " Allah loves the slave-believer who is poor but virtuous enough to refrain from begging though he has many children." (Muslim and Ahmed)

Justice
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Allah loves that you be just toward your children even when kissing them." (Ibn Al-Najjar)

Strength
Muslim narrated: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "The strong believer is better and more loved by Allah than the weak one, but they are both good."

Love for the Sake of Allah
Al-Tabarani, Ibn Ya'la, Ibn Hibban and Al-Hakim narrated: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "If two men love each other for the sake of Allah, the stronger in love to his brother will be more loved by Allah."

Forgiveness
Ibn Iday narrated: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Allah is All-Forgiving and He loves forgiveness."

Continuous Performance of Righteous Deeds
Bukhari and Muslim narrated: Allah's Messenger (Peace be upon him) said: "The best loved deeds to Allah are the ones that are continuous even if they are not very many."

Loving and Visiting Believers
Malik narrated: Allah's Messenger (Peace be upon him) said: "Allah said: My love is due to those who meet for My sake, visit one another and make any effort for My pleasure."

Love of Virtuous Deeds
Ibn Abi Al-Dunya narrated: Allah's Messenger (Peace be upon him) said: "The best loved slaves to Allah are those who are made to love virtue and loving virtuous deeds is made lovely to them."

Good Manners and Conduct
Al-Tirmidhi narrated: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "The best loved by me and the nearest to me on the seats on the Day of Resurrection are those who have the best manners and conduct amongst you, who are intimate, are on good terms with others and are humble, and the most hated by me and who will be on the furthest seats from me are those who are talkative and arrogant."

Love of Allah Ta'ala is the basis of worship that should be directed to Him alone. Any other love should be for His sake too. The real love of Allah Ta'ala is to do whatever He ordained and to abandon whatever He forbade, in addition to following the Prophet's Sunnah.

Whoever obeys someone or something other than Allah Ta'ala and His Messenger, or follows any saying other than theirs, or fears other than Allah Ta'ala or seeks the pleasure of other than Allah Ta'ala , or puts his trust in other than Him, does not love Allah Ta'ala, nor does he love His Messenger. Muslims should also love one another and wish the best for one another. Allah's Messenger (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wasalaam) said:

"One will not be a true believer unless he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." (Bukhari, Muslim, Nasa'i, Ahmed and Ibn Majah)

Imam Malik and Imam Ahmed narrated: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: "Allah said: My love is due to those who love one another for My sake."

Website: www.islaaminfo.co.za


 

   

Productive Muslimah Pregnancy Diaries: First Trimester

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Productive Muslimah Pregnancy Diaries: First Trimester | Productive Muslim

Photo by Mei Teng: rgbstock[dot]com/user/MeiTeng

Almighty Allah sub?anahu wa ta'ala (glorified and exalted be He) has bestowed upon married women the gift of pregnancy and nurturing a child within us to increase the Ummah. Since finding out about my surprise pregnancy, I’d like to share with you my pregnancy diaries! I hope it will provide an insight into the highs, lows and emotions that we all may feel during this blessed time, in sha Allah. I would like to start off by congratulating all mums to be and wish you all a happy and blessed pregnancy! So here it is – the pregnancy diaries that will take you through all the trimesters right until the much-anticipated D-Day (the birth)!

 

Finding out!

It was the early days of the blessed month of Ramadan and fasting had just begun. During the first few days, I was feeling quite nauseous and a little dizzy. I didn’t think anything of it and I put my symptoms down to the fact that we had only just started fasting – it must be my body getting used to being without food!

I was still nursing my 2 year old son on demand, so there was be no way I could be expecting…at least that’s what I kept telling myself. I already have 3 children: my eldest daughter just turned 6 years old, my first son was 4 and my second son was only 2 years. Having a 4th child was not something that me or my husband were planning or even thinking of. Allah sub?anahu wa ta'ala (glorified and exalted be He) is the Best of all planners.

As the 7th day of fasting was approaching, I felt myself feeling increasingly dizzy, more nauseous and extremely hungry. I took a pregnancy test and confirmed that I was expecting alhamdulillah, but began to worry about how I was going to cope with 4 little ones! I was reassured by my husband that we should never worry about having more children or whether it would decrease our sustenance. We should leave all matters in the hands of Almighty Allah sub?anahu wa ta'ala (glorified and exalted be He) for children are a real blessing from Him and He would always provide a way for us insha’Allah. I think it is important to remember that however challenging or difficult parenthood may be, there are innumerable rewards and blessings in bringing up children, and this was something that I reflected on as my initial fears subsided.

As I had suffered a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy, I worried about whether feeling ill whilst fasting might affect my baby. I referred back to the hadith of our beloved Prophet ?allallahu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) when he said:

“Allah has relieved the traveller of the obligation of fasting and half of the prayer, and He has relieved the pregnant woman and nursing mother of the obligation of fasting.” [Hasan Sahih Al-Albani]

Allah sub?anahu wa ta'ala (glorified and exalted be He) made an exception for pregnant and nursing mothers during fasting, with the obligation to make them up by giving charity or fasting later on in the year. I did however try to continue fasting but the nausea became more severe and I could not continue. I felt so guilty about missing fasts as I had been really looking forward to them, but the thought that harm should come to the baby’s health, would go against the tenets of Islam itself.

Managing nausea in pregnancy

Many expectant mothers experience some form of nausea during the first trimester, ranging from mild to severe. Here are some helpful remedies that I found beneficial to help calm the sickness:

  1. A hot cup of ginger tea
    It really seemed to give me a boost of energy and helped to calm the nausea down. Try boiling a few thin slices of raw ginger in water for a few minutes, and add honey for some natural sweetness.
  2. Keep energy levels up with dates
    Dates contain natural sugars that can provide additional energy and is beneficial for both mother and baby.
  3. Take a quick break or rest
    Rushing around with the kids can be quite hectic and you can often feel drained out. It may help to take a quick break by resting on the sofa or bed for some time until you feel refreshed again.
  4. A spoonful of honey
    I found that a spoonful of honey helped me when I was feeling nauseous, as it also helps to increase energy and has nutritional benefits for mum and baby. It is also great for those sisters who have a sweet tooth!

Dealing with weaning whilst pregnant

The doctor had advised me to slowly wean my two year old son off nursing, but I didn’t realize that was going to be so hard. My youngest son just didn’t want anything but my milk at first! Slowly but surely, I persevered in trying to wean him off and he eventually came round.

If you are a nursing mother and are expecting, try not to cut out breastfeeding completely. I found it more beneficial to take your time and slowly wean the child so they don’t feel completely confused that it is being taken away, and it gives them time to adjust to fresh milk or the bottle. There can be tears and challenges when trying to wean your baby whilst being pregnant, but perseverance is key and eventually they will adapt.

Managing Ramadan, family and pregnancy!

Ramadan is truly a blessed month so we all want to get the very best out of it. The fact that I was unable to continue fasting did not stop me from carrying out other spiritual tasks. Many pregnant women can still make the most of it by doing the following:

  1. Attending Taraweeh with the family
    Ramadan is the only month we get to observe these special prayers so keep your motivation up to attend taraweeh and create a spiritual bond by going with the family.
  2. Reading, learning and listening to the Qur’an
    There are many benefits for pregnant mothers who read, listen or learn Qur’an during pregnancy, especially during Ramadan where we can reap more blessings and reward in sha Allah.
  3. Enhancing our spirituality through seeking knowledge
    It is the perfect time to seek knowledge, learn examples from ahadith or stories from the wives of the Prophets 'alayhi'l-salam (peace be upon him). Watching YouTube videos are invaluable while cooking, cleaning and running around with the kids!
  4. Giving and attending Iftars
    If you have the means to do so, it is a blessing to give iftar to those fasting. You can also attend iftars as this further enhances family ties and kinship.
  5. Preparing meals early
    As I live in Scotland, the iftar time was quite late and the suhoor was very early morning, so there was little time in between. It helped that I could prepare the suhoor meal in advance and keep it in the fridge to heat up later. I also prepared the iftar meal earlier in the day, so that I had more time for other Islamic activities with my husband and children.

It is always a worry getting through the initial 12 weeks of pregnancy. I had suffered a miscarriage prior to this pregnancy, so I made du’a to Allah sub?anahu wa ta'ala (glorified and exalted be He) to get me through this first trimester with ease. Du’a is something that we can all benefit from and I think it is an extremely powerful means of sharing your concerns and worries with the Almighty. Masha Allah the first trimester has passed, and alhamdililah the doctor confirmed that all was well at the booking visit. In sha Allah I look forward to sharing with you the highs, lows, challenges and tips through the next trimesters of pregnancy right through to the birth. I wish all expectant sisters a blessed journey through this special time. Watch out for the next instalment of the Pregnancy Diaries!

About the Author:

Tasnim Nazeer is an award winning Freelance Journalist & Author. Tasnim writes for a variety of print and online publications on the topics of human rights, Islam and world news. Her work has been featured in The Huffington Post UK, CNN International, BBC, Your Middle East, Islam Channel, The Muslim News and many more. Tasnim was the winner of the Muslim News Awards for Excellence 2013 Ibn Battuta Award for Excellence in Media 2013 for her human rights and interfaith journalism. She received the Ambassador for Peace Award from the UN Universal Peace Federation. For more information, visit her website or follow her on Twitter or Facebook.

 

Simple Ways to *Care* for Yourself

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Assalamu 'alaykum,

Let's get started on some self care tips.
Begin with an intention & put in some conscious effort.

Make things easy for yourself. Be conscious of your bath and body essentials plus your daily nutritional needs. Include this in your monthly budget, it does not need to cost a fortune.

*Use the resources around you wisely. Get creative with your cooking, cleaning and working out. You may have things lying around that can make a lot of difference. Ask around, research and observe what you can improvise on, this could save you a lot of time and money.

*De.clutter. When you give out things you are no longer using or purchased simply on impulse; you make make your living space better with increased air flow. Your home looks more appealing and in a cleaner state. It goes without saying, this will uplift your spirit and make you feel good.

*Speak no evil, Hear no evil. Stay away from the burden of mindless chatter and hot gists.

''O you who have believed, avoid much (negative) assumption. Indeed some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful'' { Q49;12}

* Keep fit. A skipping rope or daily walk will go a long way. Make it regular, make it pleasant & get a companion if possible. You should use the stairs where available, walk to the store & go to the gym if you can find an appropriate one.

* Sleep in peace. Go to bed without having anyone in mind. Try to settle differences & work out misunderstandings; otherwise forgive and ask Allah (swt) to turn it into an insignificant issue for you.

Remember your body is a gift; be thankful for it.
   

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